Another day, another IVF scare story

Have you noticed how every IVF story begins with a couple's "desperate bid" for a child? Perhaps that should be every cliche-ridden story, but it's such a horrible phrase.  I desperately longed for a child, but I wasn't making a "desperate bid" for one by having IVF - I was having the treatment needed to sort out a medical problem.  Do people make "desperate bids" for treatment for any other medical condition I wonder? Anyway, enough...

The newspaper story I've just been reading (which begins with the formulaic "desperate bid")  is about a couple who had ICSI twins delivered prematurely, and it suggests that the problems they experienced must be down to the ICSI - without any consideration of the fact that they were multiples born prematurely when we know that multiple birth is the biggest health risk to IVF babies. 

The article in question went on to catalogue virtually every scare story about IVF just in case you weren't sufficiently freaked out (with a small caveat admitting that actually there was some conflicting evidence). It even suggested that parents of IVF children were constantly worried about what their fertility treatment might have done to their children's health when they were much older, concluding that if you have fertility treatment it will always continue to cause you "unimaginable anxiety" - I interviewed dozens of IVF parents for my book Precious Babies and can assure you that this is simply not true.

Please don't get taken in by scare stories - talk to your fertility specialist and get an expert's insight into the situation. I'm not posting a link to the original story - if you've read it, I hope this reassures you - if you haven't, please don't bother.

What's the worst thing anyone's said to you...

If you haven't seen this video yet, it's worth watching - just to reassure yourself that you're not the only person to have come across some of these "helpful" comments from other people.  One thing we all find is that people who know absolutely nothing about infertility are more than happy to give their advice and suggestions as to what you ought to be doing or ought not to be doing - and there's often an underlying suggestion that somehow it might be your fault, which only serves to exacerbate the stigma that so many of us feel.

It's difficult. People can't always get it right, and they don't always mean to be unkind or hurtful, but most of us have out own lists of the most unhelpful things that people have come up with.  Do you have any particular favourites?  Mine include an agony aunt (surely she ought to know better?) who advised couples with fertility problems that they might want to consider buying a dog instead of continuing to try to have a baby and the person who seemed to need to remind me on a regular basis that she had got pregnant by mistake.

You're bound to recognise one or two from the video - the "maybe it just wasn't meant to happen" type comment is a regular one...  And the lose weight/gain weight/stop thinking about it/be less obsessed with your career comments are popular too...  Maybe we should compile a list...

A mother at 58

All too often, older women assume that if they've left it too late to get pregnant naturally, they can have fertility treatment and everything will be just fine. In fact, fertility treatment can't turn back the biological clock, no matter what you're told.

I've just been reading about a woman who has apparently had IVF at the age of 58 and despite being post-menopausal, was allegedly successful after a bit of "hormone treatment".  The hospital concerned, it is claimed, was seeking to downplay this extraordinary event to avoid encouraging people to have children at an "advanced age".   If only it were really that simple to reverse the menopause!

What's far more likely is that the woman used an egg from a donor.  All too often, this is conveniently omitted from stories about much older women getting pregnant with IVF and it's that which encourages people of an "advanced age" to believe that it can surmount any age-related fertility problem...

If you're interested, the article is here 

IVF in the news again

Another day, another IVF scare story... or at least that's how it sometimes feels.  We're forever being told that this procedure or that type of treatment is risky for us or our future children.  It's not always easy to make sense of what lies behind the headlines or to decide what might be best for you.

The latest story claims that fertility clinics are putting profits before women's safety by opting for traditional rather than mild IVF, which involves lower doses of drugs.  The safety aspect appears to focus on ovarian hyperstimulation, a condition that occurs if the ovaries become over-stimulated after using fertility drugs. Ovarian hyperstimulation can be very dangerous, but specialists usually have an idea of which women are particularly likely to be at risk before they start treatment and tailor drug doses accordingly.  Once fertility drugs are being administered, regular scans can give an idea of situations where the ovaries are starting to respond too strongly - and in these cases treatment is normally halted, at least for a while.  So yes, of course ovarian hyperstimulation is a risk of fertility treatment, and yes, of course you may want to talk to your fertility specialist about how they ensure the dangers are reduced - but don't be completely panicked by another scare story.

Whatever the rights and wrongs of mild IVF,  today's stories go far beyond that.  One talked about the "toxic" drugs used in fertility treatment in the UK and made it sound as if we use completely different, old-fashioned dangerous drugs here when everyone else in the world is using some kind of safe, modern drug. It's simply not true. Talk to your consultant, talk to your doctor or fertility nurse, talk to your counsellor - then make the decisions that are right for you - and take your daily paper with a pinch of salt!

The men's room

Those of you who have ever been to a fertility clinic will know exactly what I am talking about - the place where you are sent to "produce your sample". They aren't places any of us tend to think about too much - and that we'd only manage to talk about with fertility friends after a glass or two...

When I was researching my first ever book about infertility some fifteen years ago, I interviewed a dozen or so couples and two of the men had been to the same clinic, with the same men's room which had clearly had quite an impact as they both told me about it in great detail during the interviews. Not about the room itself, but about the key which was attached to what they both described as a "plank of wood".  To go to the men's room you had first to collect the key, and then walk right through the clinic carrying this thing that you couldn't disguise so that it was clear to all where you were going and what for. For the same book, another man told me about being sent to the men's toilets in a local hospital to produce a sample where an old man kept coughing in the next cubicle and where the doors left his legs and head visible to anyone who happened to come in.

I was reminded of this today during a brilliant presentation at the British Infertility Counselling Associations Study Day by photographer Aaron Deemer, who has been touring the country taking photos of the men's rooms in clinics.  The idea sounds utterly bizarre, but hearing Aaron talk, you soon understand that his personal experience has led him to discover a truly unique way of getting people talking about infertility.  The photos themselves are fascinating - a selection of very different rooms;  some cold and clinical, others designed to try to look vaguely appealing but rarely succeeding.  There's one slightly sinister room with what looks like a dentist's chair surrounded by downlit spotlights, another had what Aaron described as a "fake plastic cannabis plant" plonked in the middle of a room full of chairs that doubled up as the staff conference room.  There was a room that Aaron said reminded him of his teenage bedroom with a narrow bed and patterned curtains.  One room had bars at the window, another had a phallic photo of the Eiffel Tower on the wall.

Aaron's project is called "Please Make Yourself Uncomfortable" and if you get the chance to hear Aaron talk or to see the photos, don't miss the opportunity. He manages to access something we often find difficult to talk about and to present it in such a way that it encourages discussion.

Waiting rooms

I ended up spending a lot of time last night in a hospital waiting room (with a suspected eye problem which turned out to be absolutely fine), and it made me think about the amount of time I must have spent over the years in fertility unit waiting rooms - and how different they are. Last night, there were a huge range of people in the waiting room with all kinds of different eye problems but we were stuck there together, waiting - and so, after a while, people began to smile at one another or raise eyebrows as we waited on and on, and then began to chat. I spoke to three different people who happened to be next to me over the course of many hours as we lamented our inability to be able to read due to the drops they'd put in our eyes and wondered whether we'd ever get home. It's odd in a way that the spirit of being in an unpleasant situation together very rarely makes fertility patients start talking to one another. For the most part, we even try to avoid eye contact in waiting rooms, let alone begin conversations. Is it the stigma that still somehow lingers around fertility problems? Is it the fact that we feel so emotional and often close to tears? Or perhaps it's because talking to one another might somehow make the fact that we have to be there seem even more real. It's a shame because there's a huge amount to be gained from talking to others who have the same problem and sharing experiences. Not only is it a huge relief to talk to people who genuinely understand, it also helps to normalise the experience, reminding us that we're not alone and that infertility is really a very common problem. At this point, I have to confess that in all the years I spent in the fertility clinic waiting room I only ever spoke to one person - and that was because she spoke to me first. If talking is too much - and I accept that it quite possibly is - then maybe we should try to at least give one another a smile if we catch eyes at the clinic. It's just a gesture, but sometimes the old saying about a little kindness going a long way seems very true and may make all the difference.

Awareness of fertility

A new paper from the States has looked at student attitudes towards fertility, questioning male and female students about their views and understanding. We often think - or at least I do - that we blab on about the age-related decline in female fertility so often that most women are only too aware that their fertility will begin to decline quite sharply once they are over 35. In fact, the research suggests that maybe we should be blabbing on a bit more. The students in the survey thought that the marked decline in female fertility came far later than it actually does - and they assumed that fertility treatment would be more likely to be able to sort out any potential problems than it actually is. This is perhaps the most worrying fact, as there is still an idea that if you leave it too long to try to have a baby IVF will be able to sort it out for you. Just this morning, I read an article in the paper quoting a 38 year old celebrity who said she was in "no rush" to have a baby. We've seen endless attempts to raise awareness of this issue over the last few years, but it seems there may still be some way to go.

Fertility treatment in the news

There seem to have been a spate of scare stories about fertility treatment in the news in the last couple of weeks, and it can be very hard if you're going through it yourself to know what you should believe or whether you should be worried. When I was having IVF, the safety of using frozen embryos was quite an issue, with many people refusing to even consider the idea, and it seems ironic now as there have been a number of studies suggesting using frozen embryos may actually be a very positive thing. The latest story focuses on ICSI, and is far from the first surrounding the treatment as most experts are clear that there may be risks that we are not yet sure about as ICSI is a far newer treatment than IVF itself. At the same time it is important to stress that the real risks are small and that many thousands of healthy babies have been born after ICSI treatment, which has allowed many men who would never have been able to have their own genetic children otherwise to become fathers, If you're ever worried about any aspect of infertility or treatment, you should always discuss it with your fertility specialist or doctor.

Work and fertility treatment

You may have heard the recent news about a teacher who lost her job at a Catholic school in Indiana after having fertility treatment (see more here).  In this particular case, there were religious objections to the IVF treatment, but it does raise issues about fertility treatment and work which concern many women who are trying unsuccessfully to conceive.  There is no legal right to time of for fertility treatment, but most women do need to take at least a day or two off around the time of egg collection and embryo transfer.  Some take leave for this, but that can be hard as it is often difficult to pinpoint exactly when egg collection might occur and you may need to book leave some time in advance.  Others take sick leave, but there have been cases where employers have not been happy about this, claiming that fertility treatment is not the same as being ill.  Some more enlightened employers actually give time off for fertility treatment, and those that do generally find it is more than repaid in the grateful attitudes from staff who benefit from this.

If you are going through treatment and need time off, perhaps the best thing to do is to discuss this with your family doctor. Most will be willing to sign you off sick for a while, understanding the difficulties that can accompany fertility treatment. I wrote a feature about this some years back for The Guardian which may be worth a read if work and treatment is an issue for you.