We were all delighted that our first ever More to Life day for those who are involuntarily childless was a resounding success, attended by more than eighty people. I must admit I’d been quite anxious in the run up to the day about whether people would enjoy it, but the afternoon of talks and workshops provided an ideal opportunity for More to Life members from across the country to get together and for prospective members to find out more about the charity and what it can offer.
The afternoon was opened by More to Life Chief Executive, Clare Lewis-Jones, who explained a little about the background to the charity and about all the work both staff and volunteers do throughout the UK to enable More to Life to offer help and support to those who are involuntarily childless.
The first speaker of the afternoon was counsellor Jayne Williamson from Aberdeen whose talk was peppered with music, poetry and art. Jayne talked about the coping strategies she suggests in her therapy sessions and about the art therapy she practices. She showed us some of the art work she’d produced herself whilst learning about the process, and explained that once people had overcome their anxieties about putting pen or paint to paper they often found it could offer unique insights, forming a very helpful part of the healing process.
Jayne’s talk was followed by a workshop with Vivienne Edgecombe, who began by explaining that she was going to be talking from the heart about her own experience of involuntary childlessness and about her journey to the realisation that you don’t need children in order to have a happy life. Vivienne looked at the way we can get stuck in negative thought patterns about all kinds of things in our lives, and explained that she uses EFT(Emotional Freedom Technique), or tapping, to help get rid of negative thoughts. She showed the audience how to tap, starting with a tap on the side of the hand and moving around the upper body. She admitted that it might look a bit odd, and explained that there were all kinds of theories about why it might work, but that the important thing from her perspective was that it really did seem to make a difference. Vivienne’s natural enthusiasm and honesty shone through in her talk, which left many of those in the audience feeling really inspired.
The break in the middle of the afternoon gave the audience a chance to get together and chat, to make new friends and to meet others from their local area. There was a really lovely, friendly atmosphere where everyone felt welcomed, and it was quite a feat to encourage the delegates back into the conference hall for the second half of the afternoon!
The final speakers, Hazel Hodge and Rachel Ormrod, are both familiar faces to many More to Life members. Hazel, an active member from the Midlands, spoke eloquently about her own experiences of involuntary childlessness and of learning to cope after a hysterectomy. Hazel shared many of her own ideas and suggestions for focusing on the positives and explained that those without children have two valuable resources, time and money, which they can use to live their lives to the full. Hazel showed her own list of positive things that she intends to do in her life, and discussed her voluntary work for More to Life and with children, as well as her fundraising activities. She explained that a ‘moving on plan’, which she refers to as a mop, is an essential part of learning to cope and of finding a purpose in life.
Rachel Ormrod, our final speaker, was best known to many of the audience as the co-author of ‘Beyond Childlessness’, a great resource for anyone dealing with involuntary childlessness. Rachel told her own story, and talked about the stages of acceptance of her own involuntary childlessness, with a very frank and open account of the lows and highs. Rachel’s husband declared he didn’t want children after they married, and she spent the next 20 years dealing with this before he decided he wanted a divorce, leaving her free to do whatever she wanted with her life. She offered her services to an orphanage in Africa and the picture she painted of the children, longing for parental care, and of herself, living in their world but still feeling the pain of her own childlessness so acutely, was incredibly moving.
The afternoon ended with a presentation of flowers to the More to Life chair, Judy Wingrove, who has done so much to ensure More to Life can continue to work to support those experiencing involuntary childlessness. The day was a great success, and one we hope that can be repeated n the future!
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