Surrogacy - so easy to condemn...

I've just been reading a piece by Julie Bindel about how selfish it is for couples to opt for surrogacy when there are so many children languishing in care who need adoptive and foster parents. I normally like her writing, but on this occasion she has managed to link people who choose to go to developing countries to find a surrogate mother with anyone else who needs help to get pregnant in one damning line referring to "expensive complicated medical interventions such as IVF and surrogacy".

I recently interviewed two women who'd had a surrogacy arrangement who agreed to speak to me because they wanted to give their response to the endlessly negative press that surrogacy receives. They were friends, and one had decided to help the other to have the child she longed for but couldn't carry (she'd had to have a hysterectomy for medical reasons). There was no exploitation and no money changed hands. They did it twice and it resulted in two children - now teenagers. They are still incredibly close friends and their families spend a lot of time together. Speaking to them was really moving - they were both strong, positive women who were very proud of the children and of what they'd done. The interview was published in the last edition of the Infertility Network UK magazine.

I'm also never entirely convinced by the argument that people are choosing to go to such lengths without considering adoption. Many couples who can't conceive would love to adopt a baby, but their chances of ever being able to do this are extremely slim as the numbers of babies adopted each year in this country are tiny. That's not due to a lack of couples who would jump for joy if they were able to adopt a baby - it's just that decisions about adoption are not often made so early in a child's life and can take years. It's not fair to blame couples who have fertility problems for what may be seen as shortcomings in the adoption process. Many of the children who need adoptive families are much older and have lived through extremely difficult times which can mean that they need experienced carers - and the adoption process is about finding the right adoptive parents for the child, not about making sure that people who might consider surrogacy or fertility treatment are able to adopt instead.

Of course, Julie Bindel is right that the exploitation of poor women in developing countries is utterly wrong and should be condemned - but it's a shame that she has muddied the waters by appearing to conclude that any surrogacy arrangement or even fertility treatment is somehow just as exploitative and wrong.

You can read her piece here

Happy New Year

Just to wish you all a very happy new year. I hope you have a lovely evening whatever you are doing and wherever you are, and that you go into 2012 looking forward to the year ahead. I know how difficult it is when you are trying unsuccessfully to conceive and it feels as if your entire life has been put on hold as you wait and wait and wait... It can seem as if there will never be an end to the hurt and sadness that you feel - but whatever the outcome, there will be a time when things are much, much happier.

If you're thinking of making any New Year's Resolutions, I think it's a really good idea to ensure that one of them is to make some time for yourself in 2012 to do some of the things you enjoy in life or find relaxing and calming - and that it might help you feel refreshed and optimistic about what lies ahead.

Take care, and best wishes for a very happy 2012!

Buying Clomid online

I've just been looking at a website which sells the fertility drug clomifene citrate (often known by the brand name Clomid) direct online, and was shocked at how inappropriate the advice given about it was. I know that sometimes it can be tempting to decide that you'll boost your own fertility if your doctor doesn't seem keen to help and perhaps advises waiting a little longer before starting any treatment. Of course, it's frustrating to feel that you're being left in limbo, which can happen when you're stuck in the fertility maze - but that really doesn't ever make it a good idea to take matters into your own hands when it comes to taking fertility drugs.

The advice on this particular website only suggested seeking medical advice before taking Clomid if you had certain medical conditions - such as polycystic ovary syndrome. It should have insisted that anyone should seek medical advice before using a drug such as Clomid. It isn't appropriate for everyone and won't boost your fertility if you aren't in the category of women for whom it is suitable - mainly those with ovulatory problems. Women should be monitored when they are using it, and you should not use Clomid for longer than six months.

I can't stress enough how important it is not to go down the line of diagnosing and prescribing for yourself in this way. If you think you aren't getting the help you need from your doctor or specialist, get a second opinion, talk to a counsellor or a fertility support group but don't ever take fertility drugs that haven't been specifically prescribed for you without medical advice.

The high cost of IVF

I was so pleased to see Lord Winston challenging IVF costs in the Independent today. When I started having fertility treatment fifteen years ago, we spent less than five thousand pounds on three full cycles of treatment, which included a number of frozen embryo transfers. Today, many couples would be lucky to see change from that for one fresh cycle. Inflation and advanced techniques may have made IVF more expensive, but I've often wondered how it has become quite so much more expensive.

Lord Winston has calculated that a treatment cycle ought to cost about £1,200 and believes that exploitation is going on in both the private sector and in the NHS. He says the cost of freezing and storage of embryos, eggs and sperm can be hundreds of pounds a year, when the real cost to the clinic is no more than £10 per year.

It's high time there was a debate on this issue. I've done any number of media interviews in the last year or two where the high cost of IVF treatment, often quoted as five thousand pounds a cycle, is used as a reason why the NHS shouldn't be funding treatment. A more realistic price for fertility treatment might go some way towards increasing acceptance of IVF as a treatment for a medical condition.

You can read more here

Getting through Christmas

It ought to be one of the most enjoyable times of the year, but Christmas can sometimes turn into little more than a painful reminder of what you don't have if you're trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant. Not only does the occasion itself celebrate the birth of a baby, it is also a family event with the focus firmly on children.

If you're feeling low, there are some strategies you may want to consider to help yourself through this time. It is really important to understand that you don't have to do things just because you feel you should at Christmas. If your parents or close family tend to have a big celebration with lots of children present, you don't need to be there if it is going to be very painful. You can opt to see your family before Christmas or for the New Year, and choose to spend Christmas quietly with your partner. You can stay at home, or you may even decide to go away for a few days - or to enjoy some activities you never normally have time for such as long walks in the country or even DIY at home! If you find going to the shops difficult at Christmas, do your shopping online. If you're invited to family-orientated Christmas parties, you don't need to go - choose to attend adult events instead and perhaps go to the cinema or theatre where you can enjoy an evening of your own choosing.

Don't ever feel guilty about doing this - it's not about snubbing other people, it's about self-preservation and ensuring that you can enjoy Christmas too. Close friends and family should be sympathetic to your feelings. If you do what you can to ensure you can get through Christmas without too much upset, it will help you to approach the New Year feeling invigorated with a new sense of optimism about the future.