Getting through Christmas

It ought to be one of the most enjoyable times of the year, but Christmas can sometimes turn into little more than a painful reminder of what you don't have if you're trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant. Not only does the occasion itself celebrate the birth of a baby, it is also a family event with the focus firmly on children.

If you're feeling low, there are some strategies you may want to consider to help yourself through this time. It is really important to understand that you don't have to do things just because you feel you should at Christmas. If your parents or close family tend to have a big celebration with lots of children present, you don't need to be there if it is going to be very painful. You can opt to see your family before Christmas or for the New Year, and choose to spend Christmas quietly with your partner. You can stay at home, or you may even decide to go away for a few days - or to enjoy some activities you never normally have time for such as long walks in the country or even DIY at home! If you find going to the shops difficult at Christmas, do your shopping online. If you're invited to family-orientated Christmas parties, you don't need to go - choose to attend adult events instead and perhaps go to the cinema or theatre where you can enjoy an evening of your own choosing.

Don't ever feel guilty about doing this - it's not about snubbing other people, it's about self-preservation and ensuring that you can enjoy Christmas too. Close friends and family should be sympathetic to your feelings. If you do what you can to ensure you can get through Christmas without too much upset, it will help you to approach the New Year feeling invigorated with a new sense of optimism about the future.

Christmas - the worst time of year ?

Christmas can be the hardest time of the year when you're trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant. It's difficult not to imagine how it could be if you had a child, and to think about all the things you could do to make it fun for them. The family focus seems to get even sharper, and it can be lonely and isolating when you don't fit the pattern of what we're told makes for a happy Christmas.

Some couples find it helps to break the mould of what we think we're meant to do and to go on holiday instead, others may opt to spend Christmas alone together rather than with family members and young children. What I think is most important is to remember that you're not the only one feeling this way. One in six (or one in seven, depending on which source you use!) of the population experiences some kind of problems conceiving, and that means there are a lot of other people out there going through exactly the same feelings about it all. What's perhaps even more important is not to feel guilty about feeling that way - and to make sure your Christmas present to yourself is to spend Christmas in any way you think will make it easier for you - even if that does mean telling friends or family with young children that you're off in search of the sun for Christmas and won't be there to help with the washing up!